WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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