i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
