a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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