I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
