My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
