My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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