Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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