I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
