Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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