At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
