This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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