My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
