On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
