The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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