Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
