how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
