did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize