Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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