The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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