Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
