she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sext me about skeletons
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