i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
