Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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