it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
