I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
