It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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