I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
