Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
