Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im holly from the hills drunk
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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