you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
