You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
