Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
