I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
