i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
