I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize