I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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