Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
