i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
