...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
