It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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