im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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