I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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