and she was petting her beer can
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
