There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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