would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
