We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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