Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
