I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
