Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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