I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
