He is an equal opportunity slut.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
