how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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