dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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