Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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