the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Drunk is not a location!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
