what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize