So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
