dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you made out with another girl for some wings
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
