Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
