Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
