i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
