I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
