Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
