the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
