I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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