Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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