dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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