I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
