I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
