Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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